Damn, this photo sucks! Why the hell did he include this piece of crap?? Well...because it's story time! Some of you already know this one, since it's one Karmen and I "enjoy" telling.

I know what some of you non-Asians are thinking already, but perhaps too uncomfortable to ask. How do those crazy Asians drive over there anyway? Well, I'm here to tell you that they are AMAZING drivers. Note, I didn't say good drivers. They're terrible. Just about every last one of them. But the way they sqeeze through other cars (and sometimes pedestrians) just two inches wider than the cars themselves...at 40mph, is pretty amazing in my book. So we get into the taxi line at the airport. Typically, there is a line of taxis, and you get into the first one in the line. Oh not China. We just stared in amazement at the complete clusterfuck of taxis swarming into the loading area like bees on a honeycomb. We got into a taxi and sped off, nearly taking three open taxi doors out as we went. Before we even left the roof of the terminal, we nearly took out a couple pedestrians, including a stroller. We left the confines of the airport and we hit traffic. And believe me when I tell you this, I thought Los Angeles was unique. I thought LA had no equal. On the contrary. Beijing traffic is WORSE than Los Angeles!! IMPOSSIBLE, you say. Well, I thought so too. Until I saw it with my very eyes. Congestion on every highway and major street. Not even rush hour.

So here is the part we love to tell: While we were sitting in traffic at a dead stop, we heard sirens behind us. This should be interesting. We both looked back curiously. This ambulance was making its way through traffic. As it was about to pass us, this bus on the other side tried to cut it off. Holy hell. Both of them fight for the open space ahead and the ambulance won. As it rounded the car in front, the side window of the ambulance was open. There was a paramedic performing CPR. Welcome to Beijing, you American assholes. Thanks, I'll be sure not to get a heart attack while I'm here.